THE JOURNEY OF AN AFRICAN WOMAN: NEITHER HERE NOR THERE
I bid you a very warm Male (pronounced mah-lay), which is Nuer for hello. For most of you the number 24 may not have any relevance, but for me it is quite significant. Because this year marks 24 years living in America. I am a former refugee from South Sudan, well my parents are former refugees who fled the civil war torn Sudan (now South Sudan) in the early 80's to Ethiopia where my siblings and I were born. For most my life isn't typical, but for many South Sudanese - Ethiopian - (American) who live at the border my story is their story and their story is mine. The story of not belonging, the story of not being neither here nor there. The story of being at the border of two countries and having to navigate identities and cultures.
My life started in Gambela where I was born and called home for the early part of my life, until war came to visit us on a gloomy rainy day in 1991 disrupting what I thought was a “normal” childhood. At the tender age of six, my family and I embarked on a journey to Sudan, walking what seem like thousands of miles to my six year old legs, in a highly volatile region. It was challenging and dangerous but I was a determined six year old walking with my grandmother and uncle to make it to Nasir, Sudan now South Sudan. I thought my little legs would get a break but year later we walked back to where I call beti.
For many people and their family they only hear of war on the news station, newspaper or a post on their social media. For me war was up close and personal. War dwelled in my nostrils and filled my eyes with death. War was a weather forecast and you never knew upon whom the gray clouds will fall. War claimed my father, uncles, aunts and countless cousins and friends. War claimed strangers who will forever remain unknown to me and only to the earth.
War isn't just about the physical bodies, war usurps and disrupts lives. But the most abominable aspect of war is that it is manmade. War is the most vicious poison, which spits from hearts of men. It is easier to deal with acts of God. Yes-natural phenomenon kills but not out of malice, hate or political and economic greed.
I am determined to not be defined exclusively by war, but because of my intimate experiences with the horrors of civil conflict, it most certainly has had a hand in molding me into the person I am today. I am attempting to outlive the war that has left an indelible imprint upon my soul, because I know there is much more to life than sadness, heartache and living in a dark past where little light gets in..
I know it’s a lot to take in and read, I hope you do take care of yourselves and I promise you’ll find hope by the end so keep reading. The universe / God would have it that my family and I would resettle as refugees in the U.S. I left Addis at the tender age of ten feeling like I would never see beti/home again.
Fast-forward 24 Years Later: Reflecting
As I sat on my couch on a rainy Saturday after I reflected upon finding a picture of myself that was taken in Addis at the Sidist Kilo lion zoo. For those of us that have experience displacement having childhood pictures and other objects that survived the journey with you is a luxury.
What would I tell my ten-year-old self? Would I tell her that life will be hard but if she stayed true to herself, that it would also get easier? Will I tell my ten year old self that she’ll travel across the ocean to a land foreign to her very spirit and soul, and still she’ll rise! Will I tell her that she’ll escape early childhood marriage in the name of tradition and bride price? Tell her that she’ll become an educated woman who’s going to go and give back to her ten year old self?
When you take your Master’s degree home to your only living grandfather. I left him and my father as a 7 year old little girl and returned to him a 34 year old woman and a two-time college graduate.
I am my ancestor’s wildest dream. Will I tell her that she’ll be welcomed in her new country? Will I also tell her that she’ll face white supremacy in the form of systematic injustice, racism, prejudice and even colorism from HER VERY OWN PEOPLE… do also tell her that still she’ll rise!
I’ll tell her, she will define all odds and everything she was told she could not become because she’s a girl and was raised in a single parent household. I’ll tell her, she’ll be a phenomenal woman that’s an amazing sister, friend, auntie, godmother, mentor, and an activists. I’ll tell her, although her journey in life started in a refugee camp and in between two countries with the backdrop of war, trauma and turmoil that the events of her early beginnings do not defined the woman she’ll become and is becoming.
